I also can't quite believe what absolute joy the 2 of them bring me - they bring tears to my eyes daily, I'm so in love with these funny little people.
I thought it appropriate to revisit today my Pros and Cons list which I constructed to supposedly help THE massive decision - whether to actually join the rat race and have children..or is that leave the rat race and my fabulous (extremely selfish) life??
Anyway I will share that personal list for the benefit of those reading that are perhaps nearing a similar time in their lives and would like some reassurance. Remembering that I have never heard a tick tock of a clock, couldn't think of anything sillier.. If me of all people can jump in with eyes wide shut, anyone can do it.
Pros:
1. It's us, half and half.
Cons:
1. Too soon. (Sean and I had only been together 3 months and I had literally just moved in with him that weekend)
2. I want more time for us.
3. It's forever.
4. The Best Little Vintage Van in Vegas is just taking off - what do I do with the van? How can I make it work?
5. I can no longer do what I want when I want.
6. Space @ home - I have to lose my room for stock and office to make a nursery.
7. Worried I'm not ready and will never be ready.
8. No more travelling at the drop of a hat and definitely no more adventure travelling.
9. Worried about downs syndrome and my age.
10. How will Phoebe and Tabitha (Seans girls) react?
11. My achilles - (ok this seems weird but I have had a dodgy achilles for ages, was worried that I would get huge and my achilles would get even worse and I would never be able to run again)
12. Loss of my own self.
13. I will never have any more time to myself - 247 there will be someone needing me.
14. I'm grumpy when I'm tired.
15. I like my boobs how they are.
16. I don't want stretch marks.
17. I'm getting older and it's harder to lose weight.
So there you are, I told you I was selfish.
1 Pro and 17 cons and we still did it!
But have to say, it took me until about 4 months into the pregnancy to actually accept that I was doing this and that it was perhaps a good thing. And I was still crying in surgery, wondering if I was doing the right thing and knowing it was too damn late to change my mind!
Now reflecting on that list - with a bit of a jelly belly still to lose, 1 crying baby rocking at my feet and a 10 minute shower (with time to shave both legs) now my idea of pure bliss.. I wouldn't change a single thing. All of those concerns vanished into thin air when I held those tiny wee bundles in my arms. I always thought that was a load of bollox... but it's true.
Florence and Hemingway. You rock my world.
And Sean. You are my rock. I couldn't have done it with anyone but you.
xxx
